This is Better

You have joined us from near and far on this journey to give Amelia the life she deserves and been faithful to pray and love us well, so I've wanted to update on how she is doing and how you can specifically pray for her, but there just hasn't been much new information.

It has been a slow process of the doctors getting to know her and figure out her extreme specialness and come up with a good plan. We are still waiting on some tests and evaluations but so far it seems to everyone like she has extreme Amyoplasia, the most common form of Arthogyposis.  As simply as I can explain her diagnosis and prognosis, her arms and legs have very little to no muscle in them at all so they have never moved in or outside the womb and as a result both arms and both legs are constricted and extremely displaced. The doctors do not believe that she will ever be able to move any of her four extremities but are hopeful that with extensive physical therapy and possible eventual surgery, that she will be able to comfortably sit in a wheelchair and enjoy a happy life. She is a perfectly healthy baby except for her 4 limbs and the doctors have no reason to think that will change. She is cognitively normal, her organs and stats are perfect, her 4 limbs are just very abnormal.

The scariest issue for us is her fragility.  We were prepared to deal with her precious and unusual frame, but Friday we learned that she is also incredibly fragile when one of her baby arms was broken during a simple procedure to put a new IV in her arm and then her other arm was broken later that day by a nurse simply lifting her arm to take her temperature.

They are starting to talk about sending us home because she is so healthy and I am basically here 14 hours a day totally taking care of her without help from the nurses. So we are trying to prepare for life at home with a baby with limbs as fragile as glass, who can not wear clothes or be strapped into a traditional carseat because the bones in her arms and legs are the thickness of toothpicks and so deformed. It's honestly not as overwhelming as you would think. If you told me 3 weeks ago that this would be my life today, I would hyperventilate, but a funny thing happens when God holds you in the palm of His hand. When He calls you to it, He takes care of it. You know that peace that passes all understanding? It's a real thing.

Don't get me wrong. I've had some freak out moments. I'm human. I want to make sure that I am not going to ruin Averie, Austin Kate and Atalie's life. I want to make sure that Amelia isn't going to freeze to death since no one can tell me how to put clothes on her. I don't know how her car bed is going to fit into our car that wasn't even manufactured in this century. But those brief moments of fear pass when I think about the thousands of tiny miracles that have brought us to this place. God is in the details. He's already there. He's got it all worked out.

I prayed boldly before for her birth for her to be healed from all of the things that make her less than whole medically. I prayed that she would come out kicking and screaming, thrashing around with both arms and legs and that we would bring her home the next day. I promised that we would praise God's marvelous name for miraculous healing. But I knew in my heart of discernment that His healing wasn't coming.  I knew in my soul that my Amelia was going to be more useful to God and His Kingdom like this, and I'm ok with that. It's a hard place to be as a Mommy, to say "OK God. I know she's yours first and you know what's best so if you need to leave my baby broken to use her and to use us, let's do it. You're just gonna have to carry me through it."

If God had healed her, like I begged Him to, we would have praised Him and brought her home and gone back to our easy lives.

But this is so much better.

Instead, she is our rubber cement to God for the rest of our lives! I will never, ever be able to get far from His mercy and grace and guidance because I can not get through a day or an hour without Him.

This hard stuff, this messy stuff, this scary stuff, it's good.

A lot of people don't understand it. Some people think we are crazy. A few people have said hurtful things. We are tired, my house is a mess, we don't know how we are going to pay for all of it and we don't know what the future holds. That's fine. We have an audience of One and He holds the future and we know we are doing what He has called us to do. We have shared Amelia's story, our story and most importantly the GOSPEL - because, please, I never want anyone to think this is about us or even really about Amelia, this is all about CHRIST -  with more people over the last 2 weeks than we ever have. We will never know the number of people who have been brought to Jesus or closer to Jesus because of this amazing baby girl and God's sweet mercy and amazing grace until we get to heaven and Jesus shows us Himself. That makes falling into bed exhausted every night for the rest of my life and this hard stuff worth it.

As I look over into her crib at this little pink bundle of love that by the world's standards is broken, and I think about the journey to get her here, I know that she is beyond perfect. This is perfect. She is exactly what we needed.  I think she is exactly what we all needed and God knew that. His ways are not our ways. They are SO much better.

Welcome to the World Amelia

Thank you for the outpouring of love, prayers and support you have all shown us this week as we have become a family of six!

Amelia Jane was born Monday evening weighing 6 lbs 4oz (although 6 lbs 10oz was mistakingly first reported). She is a beautiful South Korean and Columbian mix with a head full of black hair and beautiful skin. 

She has changed our life in the most special way. None of us will ever be the same. 

She was born in Raleigh and on Wednesday they airlifted us by jet to Levine Children's Hospital because she is a medical marvel and they are better able to treat her here.

Before her birth, the ultrasounds led the doctors the think that Amelia may be missing part of one of her legs but she is much more special than that. She has the most unique bone structure the doctors at either hospital have ever seen. 

The doctors are currently running every test imaginable to get to know her amazing little body well and determine the best way to treat her and give her the highest quality of life possible.

It has already been a beautiful journey. We have seen God's goodness, grace, mercy, and attention to detail every step of the way. 

Our life is so different now. The things of this world are strangely dim compared to how they looked this time last week.

Some of my biggest dreams and greatest fears have become a reality all at once. We have opened our hearts and lives to a child who desperately needed a home and I know that the missing puzzle piece of our family is here, tucked into my heart. But I typed this with hands cracked dry from countless washings from scrubbing in to visit my baby with the scary sounding diagnosis in the NICU. 

Amelia has multiple physical anomalies but when we look at her we see God's grace and her beautiful eyes and dimples.  She will probably never walk or feed herself because of arthrogyposis and her other disabilities but in the 24 hours we have been at Levine, she has already come so far, that we are amazed.  

There is NO telling what God has planned for her.

If you told me one week ago that we would have a severely handicapped newborn daughter today, I don't know that I could have believed how happy and blessed it has made me. 

We are tired and it has not been easy.  Nate passed out a little bit when he first saw her and he has had to carry me out of the NICU in hysterics but this is our new life and God has given us exactly what we need exactly when we have needed it. We have never doubted for a second that this was the right thing to do or regretted doing it. She is our daughter and we are immeasurably thankful for the opportunity to love her. 

Averie, Austin Kate and Atalie are doing marvelously well!  They have gotten to meet her and are totally smitten.  They think she is adorable and are planning a lifetime of sister adventures with her. We are thankful for Aunt Buttercup and Grammy and Granddaddy moving in and taking over the day to day life with them so we can spend a lot of time at the hospital with tiny Amelia until we get everything totally sorted out.  It's such a blessing to all be in Charlotte together so we can see each other everyday.

There is so much more I could write and I will, but for now, just keep praying for our amazing, precious baby girl. Our prayer is that when people look at her for the rest of her life, they simply see Jesus.

We Love Because HE First Loved Us

This deserves a blog update and I expect there will be many more in the near future, because SWEET MERCY our life is about to change.

We started our adoption journey over a year ago with every intention of adopting a little boy from Ghana, Africa. We called him Moses even though we never were assigned a specific child. If I've learned anything in this life, it's don't tell God your plans.  His ways are much better.

The path to our adoption was rocky and the doors to our African adoption were never fully open and eventually fully closed. Over the last few weeks and months we have been praying and seeking the Lord's will. We promised Him we would do anything He asked, we just needed clear direction.

We felt led to love and care for a special needs child.  These children are the ones that are truly the most orphaned. They don't have dozens of families vying for them. They are often waiting for one family to love them just the way God created them.

On Wednesday we were asked to consider adopting an unborn baby girl with a host of unknown medical issues. On Friday we accepted. Today we meet the birth mom and she will be born via c-section tomorrow in Raleigh!

There is so much that we don't know about her condition, but the medical report from the two ultrasounds her birth mom has had during pregnancy are daunting. We know that she is missing part of her left leg and has some major spinal and hip issues. There could be any number of other health issues that are found at birth. Basically the doctors have told us that they will just have to assess her once she is born, but they expect three surgeries in her first year of life.

Wednesday, Thursday and Friday when we were praying through our decision, our specific prayer was for clear direction. We wanted to be the parents this baby needs if we committed, while still being able to be the parents that Averie, Austin Kate and Atalie deserve, and also still be able to do ministry well. If we weren't going to be able to do all of that then we wanted to be able to say no and know that it was the right answer. So we prayed, HARD.

Nate and I have said for three years that if the Lord was ever crazy enough to give us a fourth daughter, we would name her Amelia. Friday morning he and I were praying together and I suggested that we look up the meaning of Amelia.

In Greek, it means without limb.

Y'all. We picked that name out years ago! God has always known who my Amelia is!

While it is a little crazy for us to be finding out and getting a special needs baby all in a matter of days, God is NOT surprised! I can literally feel Him smiling down on us! Have you ever felt God smiling down on you? It's a pretty great feeling!

So, I am putting all of this out there to ask you to pray.

- Pray for our family as we transition into this new life.  We know everything is about to change. We know it isn't going to be easy! But we will do anything that will bring God glory and we know this will bring Him glory.

- Pray for the birth mom that is about to give her baby up for adoption. She has selflessly carried this baby for 9 months and now is doing what she knows is best for her. Pray for her and her support system.

- Pray BOLDLY that our Amelia is born tomorrow much healthier than the doctors anticipate and we will give God all the praise and glory! But if she is not, she will still be perfect and we will still praise Him!

We love because HE first loved us. 1 John 4:19